Neighbors

What makes a good neighbor?  In my neighborhood, just like the saying goes, a privacy fence.  I've lived in my house for four years and EVERY year I have said, "I want a privacy fence."  First there was the questionable water drainage problems from the house where the people from the islands live.  They seem to have an endless supply of their own "medicinal" marijuana.  They have so much water coming from their house they flooded out most of the grass in my backyard.  The actual turf kind.  That and the strange amount of extra electrical wiring going up to their attic makes me wonder just what might be growing over there.  They are pretty laid back though so they don't get on my nerves too much and they eventually put in some French drain or something so the water goes out to the street now.  Draining down the road days after any rain...

On the other side of my yard I have a family who never actually spend much time in their backyard.  A blessing. However they like to like leave ladders in their trees.  Maybe that's where they hang out.  Seriously, one roof height ladder leaning up against every tree.  I want to say, "What's the deal with the ladders?", but they're never around to ask.  My Mom asked me if peeping toms live next door.  They also like to park their vehicles on the street with a big orange cone behind their back bumper to warn people not to squeeze by too closely.   I just shake my head and drive past to my driveway. Which is where you're supposed to park right?

My number one reason for the privacy fence goes to the people who live directly behind me.  Where do I start with them?   First let's talk about their trees.   They have twelve. Let me say that again, TWELVE full grown Oak trees in their backyard. Sounds like I live in a neighborhood with acre lots or something right?   No.  Not even close.  They live on .21 of an acre.  Not even a QUARTER OF AN ACRE!   Oh and did I mention they are growing a new baby Oak tree that just popped up out of the ground and a new pine tree that will grow to about 50 feet like the one they used to have but cut down before I moved in because it was falling over.  So that's 14 trees.   Good luck with those last two.  They'll be in assisted living before they mature.  This for a couple who like to compost  their leaves.  One day I looked out my back window and saw the man building some sort of pen.  I thought he was going to get some chickens or something.  No.  This was for his compost pile.  He has been piling up leaves and watering them down for the past four years.  The thing is overflowing.  It looks like a leaf igloo for bigfoot.  Where do you think he put this compost pile?  Off to the side out of view?   No.  Right smack in the middle of the yard. It has been a lovely view from my couch.

My 2nd summer here I got an above ground pool. That's when the stalking began.  My toe could touch the backyard and they would be out the door in a flash.   "Hey girl!  Like that pool.   We're going to sneak in there when you're gone sometime."  Ah, not.  I cut down a few trees in my backyard to make room for the pool.  The next Saturday yelling from their upstairs window, "Hey girl!  Can we have some of that firewood?"  Ah, no.  Cut down the forest in your backyard and you'd have enough wood to make it through the rest of your Winters.  Then one day when I was up to my ears in dirt from planting bushes that I was going to try and grow into a natural fence I hear, "Hey girl!  I'm thinking about starting a dog walking business.  Can I walk your dog?"   Ahhhhhhh, no.  What is the deal with these people?  Finally, one 105 degree afternoon when everyone with a pulse was inside I decided to make a break for the pool.  "They're not going to come out in this heat" I thought.  I shouldn't have made a splash.  Or maybe they have a camera pointed at the pool.  Two minutes into my swim the man comes out, sits down in a 1970s lawn chair, and turns the sprinkler on himself.   Fully clothed and staring into the stream of water going back and forth, back and forth.  Maybe he was having heat stroke or something.  I know one thing though if he thought I was going to invite them over to the pool after looking like a psychopath he really was crazy.  I guess it is true that crazy people don't really know they're crazy?   The next time I got in the pool the woman comes out in her nightgown and robe with a huge peacock feather waving it around in the air.  I can't make this stuff up.  I'm telling you.  I'm thinking, "Yeah I see you and yeah you look like a loon."   After that I started swimming with my snorkel gear.  Can you picture it?   From their vantage point all they could see was my breathing tube going around and around and around.

A few weeks ago my dreams came true and I had a six foot vinyl privacy fence installed.  No more compost pile no more stalkers.  I keep expecting them to drill a peep hole and hear "HEY GIRL!...."

Suffering through Sciatica

I have been suffering through Sciatica for the past 15 months and would try just about anything to get this pain to stop.  I have purchased an inversion table and started hanging upside down.  I can't say it has taken the pain away.  It has seemed to improve my relationship with my pets.  When hanging upside down my cat continually rubs his head up against my head and my dog tries to lick me in the face.  You're supposed to be completely relaxed when you hang upside down.  I feel more like I'm swatting at mosquitos.  I've tried rolling around on a tennis ball and a lacrosse ball.  Again they didn't make the pain go away but my dog would constantly try to get the balls.  Finally, I decided to buy a rowing machine.  I figured less weight on my body, less strain on my spine, less pain in my leg.  Seemed like a good idea to me.  I purchased my rowing machine, had it delivered and my dog proceeded to help me tear open the box.  My Mom was stopping by my house that night and I told her "come downstairs to check out my rower."  She walked into the room and said, "Where is it?"  My Mother is 68.  No dementia or anything.  I'm looking right at the rower and we're standing right in front of it.  I point and say, "That's the rower, right there."  She looks at me and in all seriousness says, "I thought it would look like a boat".  This was the same day I told her she needed to get a DVR so she could pause live TV.  She said, "I don't need a DVR," pointing at the DVD player she got for Christmas in 1994, "I can watch DVDs right there.  There's nothing wrong with my pause button."